Setting Gentle, Practical Goals to Help You Through the Grieving Process
Grief is the emotional, mental, and often physical response you go through after a major loss, and it can make even simple plans feel impossible. If you’re trying to set “healthy goals” while your heart is heavy, you’re not doing it wrong if everything feels slower, messier, or more fragile than before. This guide is about making room for both: the love and pain of your loss and the small, meaningful steps that help you keep going.
If You Only Have a Minute Right Now
Here’s the essence:
- Your brain and body are under strain when you’re grieving, so your old productivity standards don’t apply.
- The best goals in grief are tiny, flexible, and rooted in care (sleep, food, movement, support).
- You’re allowed to change or drop goals based on how you feel today.
- Getting extra support — from a friend, support group, or therapist — is a sign of strength, not failure.
If that’s all you can hold right now, it’s enough. Come back to the rest when you’re ready.
Why “Normal” Goals Stop Making Sense After a Loss
Grief can show up as exhaustion, trouble concentrating, disrupted sleep, changes in appetite, and waves of sadness or anger that feel unpredictable. When your system is dealing with that, the kind of goals that used to motivate you (big projects, intense fitness targets, major life overhauls) may suddenly feel harsh or pointless.
Instead of trying to “get back to how you were,” it can help to accept a different baseline:
- Your emotional bandwidth is lower.
- Your energy goes up and down without much warning.
- Some days, getting out of bed is a big achievement.
Healthy, flexible goal-setting during grief respects this reality rather than fighting it.
How Grief and Goals Interact
Use this table as a snapshot of what might be happening inside you — and how you can respond more gently:
|
Grief experience |
How it affects goals |
A kinder adjustment you can make |
|
Brain fog and poor concentration |
Hard to plan, forget what you intended |
Switch to single, short tasks and write them down |
|
Emotional waves (sudden sadness/anger) |
Motivation disappears mid-task |
Choose goals that can be paused and resumed easily |
|
Physical fatigue or sleep issues |
Low energy, even for simple chores |
Make “rest” and “basic care” explicit goals, not afterthoughts |
|
Numbness or lack of interest |
Nothing feels meaningful |
Focus on micro-goals: “shower,” “eat something,” “go outside” |
|
Intense, prolonged distress |
Daily functioning feels impossible |
Prioritize professional support; goals shrink to safety and care |
None of this means you’re failing. It means your system is trying to survive something very hard.
Using Education as a Gentle Fresh Start
For some people, loss brings big questions: Who am I now? What do I want my future to look like? In time — not immediately — you might feel drawn to rebuild part of your life, including your work. Going back to study can be one way to create a new shape for your days, connect with different people, and slowly restore a sense of direction while honoring what you’ve lost.
Pursuing an online degree in business can open doors in areas like accounting, business, communications, or management, giving you practical skills that translate into new roles and opportunities. Many online degree options are deliberately designed so you can study around a full-time job or family commitments, allowing you to move at a pace your grief and responsibilities can tolerate.
Education isn’t a “cure” for sorrow, but it can be one meaningful thread in the story of how you build a different, more hopeful future.
A Gentle 6-Step Goal-Setting Process
You can treat this as a repeatable mini-process whenever you need to reset.
-
Name your season honestly
Say it out loud or write it down: “I am grieving.” This isn’t weakness; it’s context. It changes what is reasonable to expect of yourself. -
Shrink the time frame
Instead of “this year” or “this month,” look at today or the next two days. Grief can change how you feel from hour to hour. -
Pick one anchor area
Choose from: body care, connection, practical life admin, or emotional space. Don’t try to improve all four at once. -
Make the goal concrete and tiny
Replace “eat better” with “have one simple meal today,” and “sort my life out” with “make a list of three admin tasks.” -
Add flexibility on purpose
Build in options: “If I can’t manage a walk, I’ll at least step onto the balcony or open the window for five minutes.” -
Review without judgement
At the end of the day, gently ask: “What helped? What was too much?” Then adjust tomorrow’s goal down if needed — not up.
The aim isn’t to fix your grief. It’s to give yourself a small bit of structure inside the chaos.
Common Questions About Goals and Grief (FAQ)
Is it okay that I don’t have any big goals right now?
Yes. Many people experience a period where survival is the priority and “goals” are as simple as getting through the day. Clinicians emphasise that grief is highly individual and there is no “correct” timeline for feeling more motivated again.
How do I know if my goals are too much?
If your goals regularly leave you feeling defeated, ashamed, or more exhausted, they’re probably too demanding for this phase. Try halving them — or even cutting them to a quarter — and see whether that feels kinder and more achievable.
Is it unhealthy to set goals as a distraction from my pain?
It depends. Short-term distraction can be a helpful coping tool; constant overactivity that stops you from feeling anything at all may be a sign you need more support and space to grieve.
When should I seek professional help?
If intense grief feels stuck for many months, you can’t manage daily life, or you have thoughts of self-harm or not wanting to be here, it’s important to seek help urgently from a doctor, mental health professional, crisis line, or emergency services. Some people develop what’s known as complicated or prolonged grief, and early treatment can make a real difference.
One Evidence-Based Place to Learn More
If you’d like structured, research-informed guidance about mourning and coping, The American Psychological Association has a collection of tools and articles on grief, including self-help ideas and advice on when to seek support.
Many countries also have national bereavement organisations, as well — for example, Cruse Bereavement Support in the UK — that offer helplines, groups, and online information if you’d like to talk to someone who understands.
A Quiet Closing Note
Grief changes you; setting goals while you’re in it will never look like it did before. That doesn’t mean you’re broken or failing — it means you’re human, and something important has happened. If you can keep your goals small, kind, and flexible, you give yourself a better chance of healing without burning out. Above all, remember that you’re allowed to ask for help and to move forward at the speed of your own heart.
